About Us

A growing force within the Tea Party and beyond, Patriots for Self-Deportation believe that SECURING OUR BORDERS IS NOT ENOUGH. We demand a purge for The Real America! We must make sure that all US residents and citizens have a TRUE RIGHT to be in this great land. Our current laws must be changed to abolish anchor babies, whose children, throughout history, should have NEVER received so-called “birthright” citizenship to this great nation. If the Federal government will not take action NOW, then it is up to us, WE THE PEOPLE, to put an end to the invasion and internal decay that threatens to destroy the fabric of the USA. If you entered illegally or stayed illegally, you are a CRIMINAL. If your descendants are citizens because of your criminal act, they must SELF-DEPORT.
1) America belongs to REAL Americans.
2) Illegals, their anchor babies, and all their descendants are here ILLEGALLY.
3) US citizenship is for those who can show proof their ORIGINAL ancestors were here legally.
4) All “citizens” that descended from anchor babies MUST SELF-DEPORT.

It’s a tough decision, but we must do what’s right: REPATRIATE.

If you’re a citizen, but you can’t PROVE your “OAB/Baby Zero” was here legally, JOIN US.
Until the 14th Amendment is changed, stopping illegal citizenship begins with US!
This site is made possible in part by:

299 Comments on “About Us”

  1. Gary says:

    Congrats on finally setting up your blog, the email list was getting heavy! Let’s get the word out!

    • michellestar89 says:

      hi gary, true this is much better! c u @ next mtg? i just got my passport did i tell u!!??? ❤

    • Does this mean that this fool is going to renounce his U.S. citizenship when he self-deports himself. I hope so. If not, we all know that this is just for show, since he can return to the U.S. anytime he wants as a U.S. citiizen. This is a ridiciuious and self-serving ruse.

      • David says:

        Hey retards, there is a such thing as a path to citizenship and citizenship. Stop making a mockery out of our laws. If you don’t like them get them changed. I wouldn’t care if I didn’t have to compete with people who pay no taxes ( and don’t give me sales tax bs.). They are a dime a dozen in construction. I pay my taxes, pay for insurance, buy bonds, and am licensed. These illegals you all are drooling all over do none of that, charge a 10th of what I do and are breaking tons of laws.

  2. Carl MIller says:

    Wow this is incredible! I totally agree with everything on here. I will be investigating my ancestry using your info. I strongly agree with the fact that anyone who is here illegally should leave. The people who are self deporting are true patriots! I also am following you guys on twitter and I have told some of my friends about this and they also agree.

    -Carl Miller

    • not an american says:

      You are clearly not getting the ironic message here, Carl. Anyone not American Indian would self deport by these standards.

      Stop being a tool.

      • Jon Foster says:

        It is True that anyone not an American Indian should self deport according to this. But to where? Our “original Ancestor” was ‘Adam”, was he not? Where did he live? and where can I get the paperwork to convince that country that I can repatriate myself there?

      • ash_liz says:

        oh, i think Carl gets it completely….!

      • I just found this website and I have to agree. I cannot believe there is an organization now available to discouraged and already beaten down Americans that would encourage them to move to another country because one of their ancestors might have been here illegally.

        So much for Congress, the Senate, Republicans and Democrats, politicians and citizens. Illegals all, now up for deportation. I ponder on what vital information this obvious bit of misdirection is hiding.

      • beno says:

        Jon – that would be in Iran, I think.

      • Immigrant says:

        “American” Indians are no better then Euro-Americans. Their ancestors came from Asia. Send them back across the Bering straits.

      • Here’s how I figured out that this was an satiric site:
        1) no postings in all caps
        2) lack of spelling errors
        3) No link to the NRA
        4) As desperately as they may be trying to hide it, good visual and graphic sense.
        That said, I’m on my way back to Socialist Norway; no wonder I’m a Liberal.

      • Hi there Darya, did you see our About Us page and the interview with Mr. Smith?

      • zaa says:

        Jon, if you think Adam was “our original ancestor” you have bigger problems than illegal immigration.

    • Laughing Alien says:

      Real americans are native people who used to live in the american continent that was occupied by the Europians. So, everyone but native people must leave. I find your idea of promoting self-deportation quite stupid. Whoever had this idea, is totally brainwashed.

      Instead of getting your ass out of country and back in, why don’t you set up a fund where people who feel guilty can donate money and help people in need, families and children? There are a lot of people out there who need help.

      • Tigress says:

        *snicker* You obviously didn’t get it.. it was a satire… and your point was exactly the point of the satire!

      • John G says:

        I suggest you look up “satire” and “irony” before responding with such embarrassingly sincere comments.

  3. LewisMN12 says:

    Listen, I understand you want to change the 14th Amendment so it clearly states that the children of illegals cannot receive automatic citizenship. I get it. I agree with it. I argue this point all the time. The practice of delivering anchor babies must be stopped, or else this country will be overrun by Hispanics and other third world countries, and we will lose our true identity as Americans. English will be lost, or at least become threatened, by other languages. America will not be AMERICA anymore.

    But let me understand: you want to make this 14th Amendment rule retroactive? That is, anyone, ever, who didn’t become a proper citizen, but their children did — you’re calling them an anchor baby too? No matter how American they are? Even white, European people like my family and yours? I mean, on a purely philosophical level, I get it. You’re against a law you think breeds unwarranted citizenship (ok, so do I), but you believe in it so much that you’re willing to consider your own ancestors as anchor babies, and yourselves as descendants of illegals, having no right to be Americans?

    It makes me very nervous. The consequences are unthinkable. I am as American as apple pie. Granted, my great-grandparents on my mom’s side came from the Austro-Hungarian Empire with no citizenship, and then had their babies and thus began my American family. But I am already American! Nothing to be done about that! If I were to self-deport, where would I go back to? There is no more “Austro-Hungarian Empire” anymore! (I saw that one post by the girl from the USSR who has the same dilemma by the way — have you thought about that?) Besides that, though, my main point is that I AM AN AMERICAN. My ancestors might’ve never gotten naturalized, and fine, that is technically breaking immigration law, and by our own opinion in the 21st century with the Mexican problem we would say hey, get out with your anchor babies, etcetera. But I cannot see it as “the same thing”! I have a right to be here. I am not going anywhere!

    • CG5 says:

      lewis i’m sorry to say, but i think you are hypocritical. rules apply to other people, but not to you? you are against “amnesty”, but would totally grant amnesty to yr own people? ha. thats classic my friend. u should think long and hard about this

      • Mark says:

        I think you just got sucked into a pretty good dose of sarcasm from Lewis.

      • ash_liz says:

        Yeah, people with white European ancestors automatically get a waiver. Because they have the right looks and stuff. And they don’t speak Mexican.

    • Learn what "Satire" means says:

      This is absolutely hilarious. It’s even funnier the fact that this guy (LewisMN12) is dead serious.

    • Emma Goldman says:

      A little bit of history here. Columbus thought that he had arrived to India and called people from this continent “Indians.” People in the US call themselves “Americans” and their country “America” because Amerigo Vespucci sailed the coasts of Brasil and yet think that Brazilians, Mexicans and people from the rest of the continent that do not look European are not “American.” They stole the South West from Mexico and cynically claim themselves to be “legal” and the Mexicans to be “illegal.” If this joke would be true and some of the descendants of those invaders that occupy Mexican or Indian land would self deport it would be some kind or moral patriotic lesson to humanity but let’s face it. Neither Mexicans or Gringos are going anywhere so they better learn how to live with each other and tell Romney to stop wasting his millions on such ridiculous ideas.

      • LeZach says:

        Interesting, but first lets define the word “Illegal”. I would assume illegal is someone that is in a country without a visa, someone that shouldn’t be there. Sometimes destroying and being loud? don’t know… so explain something. Did our troops have a VISA to IRAQ? Wasn’t this war based on a lie and started illegally? So it’s not OK for someone going work but it’s 100% OK (with the blessing of “GOD”) to go and destroy a country based on breaking one of the 10th commandments in your good book (bearing false witness)? Most of the people that wants an atrocity of law like this one don’t even know the difference of a country and a state, don’t even know the name of their own country. This country’s name is not America. America is the continent in which the country named “The United States of America” is located. America starts in the tip of Argentina and ends in Alaska.

    • Churchlady320 says:

      Well – if you think you can deny citizenship to “natural born” people because their parents may not be here legally, then apply it to your own self. If someone lied their way through Castle Gardens and Ellis Island, the you, their descendant, are no more legal than third and fourth generations of braceros or anyone else.

      The point of this is – YOU got a free ride. Stop taking it from others. Most of us have very questionable heritage with ancestors that were fleeing the authorities in their native land, and the ONLY THING that is different between then and now? We took away the port of entry. If your family had a dubious past, you are NO MORE of an American than kids whose grandparents came in without papers more recently.

      If you believe this – and my very WASP forebears thought it of anyone NOT from Britain – then you owe it to truth to self deport. My Mayflower ancestors did not want YOURS over here especially if yours fled the A-H empire under dubious circumstances. I’m sure, with some looking, you can find your family’s original location and go settle there. It would be the honorable thing to do. I’m talking it over with descendants of Massasoit myself. Jury’s still out…

    • Poor Lewis.
      I’ve been here 400 years without a green card. Well, not me, but you know what I mean. I never liked apple pie and always felt guilty about it. Now I’ll have to get used to Roast Beef and Yorkshire Puddings and Fish and Chips, if I can even find housing.
      But don’t they pay for your housing in England?
      I would apply for citizenship, but I bet I wouldn’t pass the history test. I mean who can remember when they passed the Louisiana Purchase and all that stuff?

    • blinkdi1 says:

      LewisMN12 – “Even white, European people like my family and yours?” wow, your ignorance and racism are showing. Somehow a White European “American” is more “American” than an African “American” or Asian “American…

      Oh and by the way, if your ancestors came over on a slave ship – was that legal?

      I thought this site was a joke, and I am still kind of hoping…

    • jolly negro says:

      If the Jolly Negro(who is as american as jim crow) is willing to go, then Lewis, you have to go too.

    • Echo says:

      Wow, LewisMN12, you take the cake. I love how you throw in the whole “even good ol’ white people like myself?” bit just in case any of us thought you might not be a complete moron. How do you figure that “white- European” people like yourself and your waste of a family belong in this country? That’s my question. Is it because hundreds of years ago some fat bastard like yourself managed to rape the most slaves without being caught? Or was it all the passed on wealth that your ancestors amassed to be able to afford the trip over without servitude looming for generations overhead? And what on earth makes you think that you are not the intruder upon this land?
      Sir, your racial intolerance is blinding. Please turn it off. We are in no greater danger of having our “language” lost than we are having an actual combined cultural language to share. English is not the American language, you fool. If it could be called anything Americans generally speak American, English in it’s true form sounds much different that American. And by those terms American can be broken down into many different sub-languages as well using a Hodge-podge of categories…We are not at risk of losing this language to Spanish.
      But what’s more, tell me this, what would the problem be if Americans were required to know more than one language? What if, instead of boasting some of the worst test scores around the world, our children actually learned something from their public school educations? I’m sure your brats could use the culture in their world as could most.
      Further more, I resent your notion that here, in the americas, there is a mexican problem. If there is anything it is a problem with foolish white hillbillies such as yourself thinking that they have any right to be here at all. Suggesting that the people from whom we stole a large chunk of this country have no right to live or exist here. And I would also implore that you follow the suit of your country of origin and extinct yourself as well. We no longer have room in this world for people as close minded as all that and in the grand scheme of things your brain and mentality will prove useless.

  4. Terry says:

    This guy is totally crazy!!!!

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    • MoniqueDC says:

      I am assuming this site is a parody site sponsored by someone like the YES MEN. The logic I use is that if they believed the America only belonged to “true Americans” then everyone who isn’t a descendant of a Native American is going to self deport.

      This has got to be a gag.

      • Hi Monique. We are against the way the 14th Amendment was passed, not clarifying that citizenship should be granted ONLY to children of people who are here LEGALLY. The way it is now, EVERYONE who is born here, regardless if their parents are illegals, get a free pass. Had it been written correctly, we wouldn’t be in the mess we’re in now. So no—we are not saying that only Native Americans have a right to be here. We’re saying anyone who is a true patriot (Tea Party or beyond), who is horrified by the anchor baby problem and who wants to change the 14th amendment, should then check their background to see if they themselves benefitted from “birthright citizenship” due to this same lack of clarity they now seek to correct. It is not a gag. It’s jus plain logic.

  8. Elizabeth (pocahontas) Younger says:

    Hello, this is satire, people. Hilarious satire, in my view.

  9. get real says:

    Does this mean all people of European ancestry are heading back to the old country? Get real. You were the first illegals. WE opened our lands to YOU and got screwed in the process!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WE WERE HERE FIRST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    • Yep, this.
      I’m the descendant of an illegal immigrant. After all, none of those people on that infamous smuggler ship “Mayflower” bothered to get a green card. 😛
      Good God, you nativists make me sick. We became great as a country by taking in the poor and despised of Europe. Now the poor and despised are a little browner, and all you self-righteous bastards want to build a wall around the country and send them all back?
      Give me your poor, your tired, your huddled masses yearning to breathe free.

    • T J Murphy says:

      Can I sit on my process and think about your situation?

    • H.olger says:

      Hey out there, Holger from Berlin-Germany writing: for any true patriot who now considers to move back to ‘old Europe’ – don’t think it will be easy. Having experienced the troubles of getting and obtaining a US-visa, I will do my best to pay you back…maybe you can find an island somewhere in the middle of the Atlantic to settle on aka ‘history repeats itself’…BUT DON’T COME KNOCKING ON MY DOOR!!

  10. nice project !

    good to see there are some artists still kicking ass in the states 🙂


  11. Roberto says:

    Yes, men 🙂 It’s a wonderful idea!

  12. Bill says:

    How do you self deport? And to where? You do realize that other countries won’t automatically take you.

  13. Rubyslippers says:

    Hey, I’m with the person above. If I were native American, I would be thinking that the vast majority of the US population should self-deport. In my case I would have to parcel myself out to Ireland, France, and England, and who knows where else. (And that’s actually looking pretty appealing at the moment, given the tenor of the current Republican candidate “debates” . . . )

  14. Jordan says:

    Every single American’s “original ancestors” were here illegally; that’s how our nation was born. Europeans came over here and kicked the Native Americans out of their own land. Are you saying everyone who isn’t 100% Native American should deport themselves? America would be empty.

  15. Chief Roger Thunder Bear says:

    I’m very interested in your ideas, and have a large extended family would like to learn more — do you have a newsletter?

  16. Mark says:

    One question looms above all others… should we send the Aryans back to Germany? If they go it’s the end of the Republican Party as we know it.

    • USMC retired says:

      Lol this guy is a joke very humorous though I love it I really would like to see him self deport and then not allowed back in it would really give him a good view of what really goes on most people on here are ignorant because they have never left the cozy confines of their own home let alone America I was a marine I’ve traveled abroad let me tell you people have absolutely no idea what your talking about and you are an embarrassment to the nation that I served for people like you to be free it’s sad truly sad you should all self deport then when I go to the mall I’ll get great parking and no long lines!!

    • Mary Jo Hazlett says:

      Sounds right to me!

  17. JohnCalifornia says:

    I am having a very hard time deciding whether you are serious, or whether this is some very clever, Stephen Colbert-style, satire. Of course, you’ll never tell, but maybe others can help me. Is this guy, who claims affiliation with the Tea Party, legitimate, or some liberal doofus?

  18. antoineloup says:

    So have you actually posted on this blog and / or stated in a posted video that you have “renounced” your US Citizenship?

    If you publicly do that it will give your efforts far more credibility.

    Then once having publicly renounced your citizenship, will you seek to become a citizen of Poland?

    And then after doing that will you seek to once again become a US citizen, or is this just a publicity stunt where you take a vacation and visit Poland and go through some meaningless steps in order to try and make it seem like your not a hypocrite for calling on all anchor babies to leave the country?

    I am curious. It seems you may be want to have future political aspirations and I wonder how you renouncing your citizenship would affect those future aspirations?

    Good luck on your project.

  19. Simon says:

    Maybe you can set up an initiative for self-abortion of everybody who has an iq below let’s say 80, for a start. My guess is there will be a lot less PATRIOTISM then :).

  20. Linda says:

    Now how does this apply to people who were brought to this country illegally, but did not enter voluntarily, such as slaves. Should they self-deport as well?

  21. John says:

    I’m an American, and I still think you’re a fucking bigot. Grow some fucking balls, and do all you can for this country and mind your own business. These people you call criminals are here to work, feed you burritos, mow your lawn … shitty jobs us Americans hate.

    • Hal Blake says:

      What if I don’t like burritos, schmuck?

      The Vietnamese and Thai can stay in America, because I like banh mi, pho, coconut curry, spring rolls, Thai iced coffee, and pad thai. Italians can stay, too, because pizza has become naturalized by common law. (I’m afraid the same is true for chow mein and chop suey, and for myself, I’d add egg foo yung.) If those people all left, what would I eat?

      p.s. I also like falafel and baba ganouj. And most soul food. [WTF kind of food can Tea Party people make? Pasteurized process cheeze on store brand imitation Ritz crackers and mock apple pie from the same crackers? Out they go!]

  22. Uh…. Guess what?! If you were born here, then you are a citizen. You have broken no immigration law. Just like others have pointed out, if you go back far enough this nation was founded by “law-breakers”.

    If you’re looking for an excuse to make a life change or to move away, that’s fine. But to think that you have higher morals than “the Mexicans” (as you put it), because you are doing this is just silly.

    Sounds like you’re not even sure if he truly was undocumented or not. It would be pretty funny if you self-deported only to later find out, perhaps in Poland, that he DID migrate legally to begin with. =D

  23. moonhermit79 says:

    As absolutely nutty as the idea of self-deporting is, I want to strongly encourage all of you who seem to be drawn to take this action to FOLLOW THROUGH!!

    This sounds like a convenient way for this country to self-cleanse ie. be rid of right wing extremists and fear/hate mongers….bon voyage!

    • vjbinct says:

      I agree, but wonder how the self-deportation of mixed heritage would work. I, for example, am half-Italian; half-Polish. Should I be bisected vertically or horizontally?

      • Horizontally first, as you travel USA to Italy. Then vertically, up to Poland.

        Just kidding. It’s been a tough 2 days, I’m a little exhausted. Where you repatriate to is your personal choice and is a very serious matter. Consult with your family, see where the language would be the easiest for you, etc.

        Let us know how it goes.

    • Thisishilarious says:

      I always describe myself as a mutt of Northern Europe; so my plan is to go to Europe and explode. But, I’m having trouble determining where I should locate myself pre-explosion. It’s really a great physics question. Wind direction, altitude and position of the blast would all factor into the equation. Hmmm. . . what else?

  24. John says:

    You’re an idiot with a very weak understanding of history or current global politics. Good riddance moron!

    Plus, why give yourself a nice little buffer period to the summer? If you are serious about this, leave now, with nothing, go to your “homeland” without knowing the language, without a place to stay, without a job. Try and understand the experience of the people you call criminals. But you won’t will you. You’ll keep your silver spoon tucked nicely under your tongue and ensure your ipad and camera are fully charged. Hypocritical tosser!

    Enjoy your cushy little vacation. I’m sure it will appease your smug self-rightousness.

    • ash_liz says:

      It’s SATIRE, people! Hello??

      • Just wow says:

        But ash_liz, this is so much fun to read the comments from the white folks gettin’ all red in the face and bulgy in the eyes!

      • antoineloup says:

        Poe’s Law: “Without a winking smiley or other blatant display of humor, it is impossible to create a parody of Fundamentalism that SOMEONE won’t mistake for the real thing.”

      • Tigress says:

        Exactly. A good satire will have people take it seriously because it will be hard to figure out if it is real vs. fake (because it’s too close to the real argument it is spoofiing).

        I mean, look at Bonsai Kitten… it still pisses people off (some of them who would totally agree with its real message if they didn’t take it at face value). I remember when that one was passed around all the cat forums… I was one of the few who was like, “HEy, wait!! I think it’s satire aiming at exactly the stuff we gripe about!” And yet still most were in an uproar about it (The ones I found the funniest were the people who were pro-declawing who were upset at the site. They were one of the ones the site was specifically making fun of the stupidity of).

    • Afrolatina says:


  25. Fishy Sauce says:

    Pure Genius!!!

  26. alnyc says:

    And when do you start going back to great great great grandparents proving citizenship? Shall we go back to the May Flower? Christopher Columbus? Yes! According to your campaign all white people need to self-deport immediately.

    The right thing to do is give money to Native American Elder programs, plant organic food to feed yourself during the tough times, take care of your family and one another, be kind to your neighbors, share resources, knowledge and your own values with others without judgment.

    The right thing to do is support technology and innovation that does not use OIL or fossil resources so that there are no campaigns against individuals because there is a strain on governments from increasing population. The right thing to do is recycle, revamp your lifestyle and take some time out to enjoy what is left of nature and protect it.

    Wake up, and rise up.

    The 99% are here. We will not SELF DEPORT. Did Christopher Columbus have citizenship? Did he have a “right” to this land? Did he show his ID before leading the rest of the world into this “new” world at all costs as if no one else lived here.

    Anyone who thinks they should have to “prove” they belong – is being treated as inferior, a second class member of society. This is something that our constitution protects us from – it’s called the Equal Protection clause in the 14th amendment.

    • Teresa says:

      Duh, ya think?

    • Afrolatina says:

      This is just White racism spewing nonesense. Leave these people to their own demise. None of these people up here have any rights to this land. Many of their ancestors are the CRIMINALS who came here and committed mass genocide of Native people. Not to mention the mass genocide of native peoples all over the world by White-Europeans/Americans. It’s a true sickness, it’s a kind of metal illness if you ask me.

  27. I agree with everything! If there’s one thing America is based on, it’s not allowing other people from other countries to come here and start families.

    Also, if anyone has ever gone through the express checkout line at the grocery story SELF REPORT! Go back to the store and stand in the long line with that one item that put you over the 10-item limit. You are a patriot.

  28. Just wow says:

    This is brilliant. Thank you for providing this public service to all the dim bulbs who believe you are serious. The more they write in protest, the more their hypocrisy shows. Brilliant! Congratulations, Yes Men.

    • antoineloup says:

      @Just wow … it is easy to parody a small group of extremists, especially since basic logic and reason usually works against them, however if people write in and protest this “project” then aren’t those the ones who are actually on the side of the one who created the parody? So they are not actually the hypocrites, it is the ones who would jump on here and agree with the parody, right?

      I am all for creative ways to get people to think logically and reasonably about why they believe what it is they believe, but I don’t know if trying to point out or start arguments with those who believe in the same values is the right way to go about it.

      • Mrs. Gale says:

        Take a bow, smile, and admit you’ve been had.
        Thank you for playing your part in this amazing discussion.

      • antoineloup says:

        @Mrs. Gale – maybe you missed my point – the idea of the site is great, the idea to login as the user and post questions and comments to people in order to argue the opposite point is not so great. It’s like trolling.

        There is a real policy of self-deportation, which tries to make life so difficult for illegal immigrants that they will eventually choose to leave.

        This is mocking the “term” and raising awareness, but once again, actually arguing with people and posting comments in order to take the parody to the next level, in my opinion, defeats the purpose – and no one argued with my posts and I believe they all speak for themselves.

        The discussions being had on these threads do not discuss the basic idea behind “self-deportation” which is to make life miserable for people. It discusses a secondary point which is “anchor babies”.

        Immigration is not really that difficult, it works the same in all countries, you visit, you fill out paperwork and then you leave and fill out more paperwork. If you are there illegally you may go to jail, pay a fine and then you are escorted out. That is the same in every country.

        I am not sure if our country is unique or not in the idea that if you are born here then you get free citizenship, but I am not opposed to reviewing why the idea was added to the constitution and whether or not it is time for change.

        It is possible that it might be better to state that you must have one parent who is a citizen, otherwise you have to deal with the issue of citizenship from the country where your parents are actual citizens of…. it doesn’t seem like such a crazy idea does it? Yes “retroactive” is pretty crazy, but why not review the issue?

        Maybe it is time, we call it and moving forward you can only be a citizen if you are born in this country and one of your parents is a legal citizen. Otherwise you can go through the same procedures as everyone else to become a citizen. And all the other legal standards still apply… if you are here illegally you are committing a crime and you will be deported eventually.

        This issue is not really that difficult when you take the time to think about it… and wasting time arguing about how far back is silly, the idea of the site is great and raises awareness, but after awareness is raised we must offer a solution otherwise we are not really helping.

      • jolly negro says:

        hehe. gotcha 😉

      • antoineloup says:

        @ jolly negro

        Maybe everyone here thinks this is just a parody and that “self deportation” was made up by the guy who created the site, but I’ll say it again, there is a real policy called self deportation and it means to make life so difficult for illegal aliens that they chose to leave voluntarily.

        The idea behind the “self-deportation” policy in my opinion is not really how we want to do things in this country… a parody is one thing, responding to the comments from the people who don’t get it and inciting them is completely different and in my opinion does not further the goal of actually bringing attention to these kind of policies.

        I am not a history scholar, however it is my understanding that the 14th amendment was designed to promote civil rights. The policy of “self deportation” (and not the parody, but the real policy that does exist in our country) I don’t think fits in with the 14th amendment.

        However, times have changed and our policies need to change with it. Our society has to be able to support itself, we have to have a government that runs based on sound principles that promote the society and it’s welfare. There is an economic aspect to this and I am not saying that we as a society should not help people, but there are many ways to do that, and we need to look at the bigger picture.

        To the best of my knowledge, Canada and Australia are the only other countries that offer citizenship for simply being born inside the country. The policy of “self deportation” has nothing to do with whether or not your parents were illegal immigrants. And yes we do need to change the policy of our country regarding immigration and that may mean altering the constitution.

        It is time we take all issues that face our country seriously and openly discuss them. I am glad that the “yes men”, colbert, stewart, the onion, and all the other people out there place a comical spin on the media and current events and show us through laughing at ourselves how absurd some of the fundamentalists and extremists are in this country and in other countries. However that in and of itself does not mean there are not real problems that need to be solved, and so when parody brings to light the issues we face, it is our responsibility as a society to change in order to solve those problems.

        Immigration policies – whether it is H1B Visas, border control (drugs, terrorism); medical or education assistance for immigrants, refuge status, political asylum, criminal prosecution of immigration violations, and deportation holding and processing, are all real issues driven by politics and necessity. Laughing at ourselves is one thing, solving problems is another, and as I have said – nice job on the site, I have promoted it, but just don’t engage the people who don’t get it and rile them up… its just not nice and does not further the goal of raising awareness.

  29. Might as well go to Poland. No jobs here.

  30. relieved says:

    I am thrilled beyond words that all the white people are finally going to leave and give this land back to Native Americans. That’s assuming this whole site isn’t satire, though, and given the state of the GOP over the last few years, that assumption is getting harder and harder to make based on Poe’s Law. Anyway, hasta la vista, thanks for returning what you stole to the Native Americans (and give Texas back to Mexico while you’re at it, since illegals stole it illegally).

  31. Joe says:

    That is a lot of hypocrite Europeans going back. Self deport these damned Europeans!!!

    I am of Hispanic background , but never came illegally, neither did my forefathers. You heard right, as American as any, and very Hispanic!

    Notice he said he cannot expect “all” the Mexicans. I am not even Mexican (nor forefathers), and I can see the prejudice these people have against many Americans , who, may be of Mexican background.

    Send this guy to Poland ASAP! Don’t let the door hit ya on the way out. Hypocrites all. Another thing, the scripture says you are to love the stranger/sojourner, but…no American Christian makes it to heaven. In fact, the liars, whom YHWH says that their “prayers are an abomination,” neither know the name of the father, nor the son. They say Jesus, but there was never a letter “J” in Hebrew, Latin, or Greek.” As it is, the scripture says that the U.S. will burn and rot, along with all the other evil doers of the earth. Yesha-YAhu 66:24

    You Tube: Where Satan Dwells.

    Your day is near evil Americans. It will be swift.

  32. t*** says:

    haha oh man nativists are horrible. “This country is for purestrain white protestant males without any record of any criminal activity anywhere in their heritage.” Then when that aim is achieved you just know the paranoia will turn to evicting people of progressively smaller ethnic groups until we arrive at those who aren’t descended from the original Puritains.

    You know why the naturalization through birth process exists? Because we want people who want to be here so badly that they endured the trek, underwent the dangerous, difficult process of expatriation and managed child delivery in a foreign land. That drive is commendable, and punishing a child for the indiscretion of the parents is disgusting. US history is rife with fear of “the other” and nothing ever comes of it. White people aren’t an endangered species, they can procreate as much or as little as they want. Being American has nothing to do with skincolor or religion, in some sense its a matter of a shared set of values (but even that is not set in stone), qualities that are not found in the skin or hair. More rather its a set of aspirations, particularly the want of a better life. Fighting demographics is stupid, if you don’t change you die. A homogenous population is that much more susceptible

  33. Max Jensen says:

    I fully agree to your logic, and complement you with your morale and taking the consequence of it.
    I’m European, living in Europe (You know; a different continent; the one with the ‘freedom fries’ etc.). I spent 5 years in USA (LEGALLY! “Resident Alien” it said on my little green card, very welcoming gesture!?). I enjoyed the time and made many good American friends.

    However despite the above I have to ask you to instantly cancel your endeavor.
    You see, you’re not representative of my friends, and though your ancestors came from here I’m sorry to inform you that we’re many who’d hate it if you move here…

    Please consider to sign up for next Virgin flight to ‘Outaspace’. Rumor has it there’s a special on 1-way tickets!

    • H.olger says:

      Holger from Germany again. I agree: no space for you here either! Sorry about that. You can come and visit, of course. But if you want to stay, you need to have a baby with a German woman (or adopt one with a German man), according to German law. But in any way, I know quite some people who would hate you to move here, too. And it’s not because you’re from the US (most people I met in the US were really nice, considerate and history-aware people), but because you are a patriot. PATRIOTS STINK! Because patriotism is soooo close to nationalism and, sorry, due to my own history, I can’t help despising it!

  34. JohnCalifornia says:

    A friend wants me to ask on his behalf:

    My Italian great grandfather left Italy but went to Havana for a few years, then entered the US from Cuba. Do I go back to Cuba or to Italy?

    • Hi John, thanks for your question. Given immigration restrictions to/from Cuba, it would probably make the most sense to deport back to Italy. E-mail us at selfdeport@gmail.com; we can help you as you make this very Patriotic decision! We also have a few other self-deportees who are headed to Italy, so you may want to work together.

      • Just wow says:

        * like*
        Or – John may want to pick a place equidistant between the two.

      • JohnCalifornia says:

        Thanks, but that just leads to another question, from another friend [apparently a lot of my friends have ancestor problems]:

        Well…I’m just sure some of my ancestors came over illegally from Italy….probably the Tuscany region….I’ll put in for deportation back there……hmmm ….or second thought maybe they came from Spain…. Perhaps I should consult a travel book before I make my claim. I thinking a country with free health care would be important. Deportation is free, isn’t it?

    • Donna says:

      What makes you think that those countries want you crazy Americans back?
      This arrogance of Americans is why the rest of the world doesn’t like you!

  35. anna m says:

    Does this include white people too?!?!?!?

  36. FriedTurkeyPorchFire says:

    I, too, am a big fan of pulling the ladder up so that future peoples of the world can’t share in the hope and open possibilities that our ancestors enjoyed and that the United States has always represented.

    But I’m confused by the logic of the message here. If it’s patriotic to self-deport, then isn’t it also the obligation of every remaining True Patriot to demonstrate that all of his/her ancestry arrived in this country legally? It only seems fair.

    How else are the self-deporting patriots to know who their true friends are on inside for when they naturally attempt to legally get back to all our riches, English languages and precious fluids?

  37. You psycho pieces of shit are really embodying the world view of the stupidity of the American people. As your own culture falls apart around you, you blame the people who have come to support and encourage your country instead of looking toward your own bloated self-centered minority of neo-con tea party right wing assholes.

    Sending me, a Canadian, an email about self-deportation, just because my last name isn’t Smith or Jones is racist, and closed minded. Your smear campaign may whip only the most inane of Americans into a frenzy, but the world will see you for the bigots you are.

    Fuck you all.

  38. Luke says:

    jesus what a total nutball…

  39. Areyou kiddingme says:

    So then we must all self deport. Unless you are a native American…
    This is stupid!!

  40. Delta Juliet says:

    LMAO this will never happen, you watched Gangs of New York too many times and were rooting for the bad guys. You disillusioned yourself from reality.

  41. European says:

    I’m from Europe, and we don’t want you


  42. Charles Svoboda says:

    Damn! Just had a dna scan done, and it’s true, I am an anchor baby. True that my ancestors crossed the Bering Strait 10,000 years ago, but just because the land bridge is gone, doesn’t decrease the responsibility I have to rectify the illicit nature of my residency. Here I was, shouting out my “Native American” heritage… I’m so embarrassed. :s
    Anyone know where this “mesopotamia” is located? I need to get a ticket….

    • Hal Blake says:

      Mesopotamia? I thought we all originated in Africa, even the ‘shinnobs. But we’ll make it pretty crowded if we all go back there.

  43. Bo Meson says:

    Frank admiration is what I have for you my friend – I’m also glad that you’re not English as I am. Poland is a conservative Catholic country so you should get on well with your new life there. Please just don’t expect the inflated lifestyle that you’re used to, only countries with a long history of exploitation can afford them.

  44. Chief White Cloud says:


    • nojusticeonstolennativeland says:


      • Edith says:

        You guys are going to love this — listen to it through the end! (A transcript is also available in the “More Info” section under the video.) Tea Partiers punked!

        I wonder if this isn’t exactly the kind of thing that’s going on in this very website… Or at least we hope!

      • Tigress says:

        That video was awesome!

  45. Liz (Guess I'm Just Irish After All) says:

    Thank you for helping me see the error of my falsely privileged ways. And fourteen has always been a weak number for me, anyway, so i should never have relied on that damned amendment.

  46. Pro-immigrant says:

    We need more immigration. Keep the immigrants we have and bring more in. We’re about to hit a demographic crunch as babyboomers retire. There will be a lot of jobs to fill to keep the economy running. And then, when those babyboomers need major healthcare and homecare, we’ll need even more immigrants. It’ll be fascinating when many who blast upon immigrants today will need immigrants’ help just to eat or go to the bathroom when they’re old.

  47. And of course I’m pure English, so wherever I go in the world, the locals are all ‘foreigners’. The fact that I live in New Orleans means I am surrounded by all sorts of ‘foreigners’, some who have been here for generations and have fought wars to remain here.

    Bloody foreigners. The USA is wasted on them.

  48. M.A. says:

    Indeed. Those Native Americans should go back to Asia through the Bering Strait.

    • Hal Blake says:

      That whole “Bering Strait theory” is not all that well proven. And you can’t apply US law back that far retroactively.

      Maybe we should also deport all the plant and animal species that “immigrated” from somewhere else. Hard to do, and especially hard with bacteria!

  49. GCR says:

    Hey, guess what. Both my parents were so-called illegals – not properly naturalized. I was born here though. And now here’s the newflash you’ve been waiting for. I AIN’T GOING ANYWHERE! Under the law I’m an American with every right that you have. How do you like them apples?? I suspicion you don’t, but there’s not a thing you can do about it except keep on pay’in those taxes so that I can keep getting all the free monies my goverment sends me – because I’m an American and because I DESERVE it and I’m ENTITLED TO IT. Yes indeedy, the good US of A is the best place on earth – and I’m stay’in. Remember I’ll be exercising my civil rights, as a birthright American Citizen, and I’ll be voting for only the politicians who’ll be keep’in me and my brown brothers and sisters right here. Whooo weeeee! Party on!

    • Donna says:

      Tell’em how it is!

    • GCR says:

      All us anchor babies are ENTITLED to stay. It’s the law and it’s a beautiful thing. And, again, there just nothing you or anyone else can do about it: congress shall pass no ex post facto law. Study up on it old sport. I have. The first of the month is almost here!

    • Teresa says:

      Exactly the point. Anyone who comes to America for a new start should be allowed to stay. Just like our ancestors. When did we get to be so high and mighty that we get to decide who can come in and who cannot? Rubbish.

  50. s bradford says:

    Oh gosh! To be a patriotic American I guess I have to let my long-held, deep secret out of the bag and admit that my grandfather x11, Gov William Bradford, came over on the Mayflower to land on Plymouth Rock , was “an illegal alien”…and so I will voluntarily leave Amerika. It’s only right… I’m illegal too.

  51. Donna says:

    Are you freaking kidding me? If you go back far enough NONE of the Americans came here legally! This is a joke, right?

    • Teresa says:

      You got it!! That is the beauty of it. None of us are legal, Donna.

      • Heather says:

        Not true. My mother immigrated here legally, and my father’s parents immigrated here legally. So all you sons and daughters of the Mayflower have to go, but I have my paperwork!

  52. Joel says:

    This is f-ing brilliant. Core Values 2 & 4 are the same and all they say is illegals are illegal. Who writes this insane sh!t?

  53. Pretty sure at least half of Pennsylvania was purchased by William Penn legally and non-violently from the natives in the region. Living in this area, I think I’m in the clear. Go ahead, deport everyone else.

  54. Blah says:

    Lucky for me I have 1/32 Native American Blood. Unless you have some native american blood, then your lineage came here immorally, by murder, by lies, but I guess neo-americans consider such things legal. Its glamorous stance you have put up, but it lacks a true depth of what is’ good for all’ and more of what is good for white men. ( fyi I am very white in color) I do however think we need to create some realistic views on how the land can support those that are here and those that come.

    • jolly negro says:

      @ blah…what about us black folks? Did we come here immorally, by murder and lies? You get to stay because of 1/32 Native American Blood? Can you prove it? Have you been excepted into a recognized tribe? If not, pack your bags!

      by the way, most white people are very white in color. What’s your point?


  55. Alob says:

    Is this some kind of Yes Men prank? I hope so, if not you guys are twisted and just plain weird. This is the dumbest thing I have ever heard of…

  56. Mark Thomas says:

    Now the moral issue is clear… My Grandmother was born in Nepal…. I must self deport…

    Though a UK citizen, the moral fortitude and courage shown by the USA is an inspiration to western democracies the world over…

    The only dilema I have: my mother was born in Zimbabwe, Grandmother in Nepal… so where to deport to?

    Any cross national support from fellow self deportees would be appreciated.

  57. Harold says:

    Hello – I’m an illegal alien.

    • Hello Harold. Where are you self-deporting to?

    • jolly negro says:

      Hi Harold. If you’re a Mexican, go to Texas. It belongs to you. Better yet, last year I went to Hearst Castle in San Simeon California. During the tour the host quickly mentioned something about Hearst ‘acquiring’ the land that was once Mexico, after the war. You should go there. It’s really big. There’s enough room for a whole lot of Mexicans.

      I’m black and lazy (of course) and therefore not a true American. i’m going somewhere in Africa.


  58. john m says:

    My Native American Apache grandfather will be the first to escort all your asses out

  59. Teresa says:

    I absolutely love this!! I think it is about time people saw how ridiculous it is to say that people who are here illegally must leave. We are all here illegally. That is what America is all about. Remember what is printed at the Statue of Liberty??

    Give me your tired, your poor,
    Your huddled masses yearning to breathe free,
    The wretched refuse of your teeming shore.
    Send these, the homeless, tempest-tost to me,
    I lift my lamp beside the golden door.

  60. robert white says:

    look, this all makes sense, but as others have said above, it’s not fair to apply it to white people, obviously. white people are what made this country great, based on SCIENCE and melanin and other things. religion, maybe. the point is, as soon as you become white you become a permanent citizen. it’s obvious, it’s workable, it’s measurable. for instance, someone upthread came from the austro-hungarian empire. well, if you are magyar, or have some of that old khan DNA still hanging out, you aren’t white, so you should re-patriate. but if you are “austro”, well, pretty much the second your toes tickle ellis island you are white and american. all nordic types–immediately american. now there are SOME exceptions to this: the french, for instance–do we white people HAVE to count them?

    i’m sure at this point some of you are asking: what about people who white people brought here, in, say, chains? did they aggregate some whiteness on the passage over?

    no. they did not.

    mexicans who were in california from the 15th century on? NOT WHITE. go home.

    Natives? Um, don’t let the bering strait hit your non-white ass on the way out the door.

    cubans are white, unless they are black. in which case they are black.

    puerto ricans, confusingly, aren’t white, and neither are those american samoans but that’s what guantanamo is for! we can sort that out there!!!!

    • jolly negro says:

      Hey Robert, Jolly Negro here…you’ve got this white/non white science down. I’m black, but light skin, can I stay? I’m thinking I can follow the Cuban track, I’m black but somewhere i’m sure I have an Indian grandmother (Cherokee I think). I’m willing to become a republican or even join the tea party.

    • Hal Blake says:

      I’m going to start whitening myself up even more by staying out of the sun completely for the next few months. When I emerge, mole-like, pale and blinking, my citizenship will be guaranteed. Meh-heh-heh!

  61. Chris says:

    I support you in every way I possibly can!

    • Chris says:

      I for one relish the chance to prove my Citizenship! I’m related to Roger William, liberal b@st@rd! Oh wait, Europeans don’t count right?


  62. Jonny says:

    Wait a minute guys.

    Some Indians came over that Bering Straight land-bridge well after the others. So just because you’re an Indian doesn’t mean you belong here.

    • Superestrella says:

      Hmmm, how does the whole Pangean continental drift thing figure, since technically it was all one big piece of land. Then there’s the whole Adam and Eve thing…I don’t know…I think this is going to get really complicated.

  63. Dale $0 says:

    As an Australian I have drunk enough Coke, watched enough TV series, spoken enough in US accent, bought enough product (inclusive of Oranges and Hollywood), been complicit in enough deaths at war (or otherwise) to be a fully fledged American of the United States. I own a flag, and if in a terrorist hot spot may even be identified as the enemy. Hell I should be allowed to vote in the Presidential Election.

    I have been Americanized and therefore find the idea of self deportation confusing. I have currently broken out in red stripes, and in the deep blue evening sky all I see are stars.

  64. Bruce H says:

    As a resident of Arizona, I will receive a super-bonus if I repatriate! During the Bush administration, I gave some thought to emigration. With Arizona’s radical, reactionary Republican legislature and governor, I feel a compelling need to find a place to live that affords me some sense of political comfort. I intend to immediately begin a geneological search in hopes that I can find an illegal entrant ancestor from a more enlightened country such as Somalia or Libya.

  65. Ynori says:

    I’d like to understand better the details of this idea, whose time has come!

    If you have a single ancestor who was Native American, or who was legally naturalized through US Immigration, would that then automatically make you a US citizen? This could create a giant loophole through which many otherwise “illegals” could claim to be anchor babies (now adults,) despite the past crimes of many (and possibly even most) of their ancestors.

    On the other hand, if citizenship is assured only when you are a pure blood American, if all partial-blood Americans self-deport back to their ancestors’ countries, this could leave a *lot* of space for true Americans to live.

  66. katzeebrat says:

    Beam me up, Scotty!!

  67. bluewombat says:

    I promise to engage in a thorough-going genealogical analysis of my family. If there’s anything suspicious, I’m outta here. It’s the least I can do as a patriotic American.

  68. 1) America belongs to REAL Americans.

    Ok, from Canada all the way to down to Tierra del fuego is America, according to your logic America is for all the peoples of the Americas. Cool, that covers most people of latin origins, so please Anglo, get out of America and go back to Europe.

    2) Illegals and their anchor babies are here ILLEGALLY.

    Your ancestors are anchor babies and their parents were here illegally, you and all your family should get out of America, after all, America belongs to real Americans.

    3) US citizenship is for those who can show PROOF their original ancestors were here legally.
    U.S citizenship, hey what decade are you living in? Last time I checked the I.N.S did not say anything about ancestry and so on.

    4) All illegals and descendants of illegals are here ILLEGALLY and must be DEPORTED at once

    yes, I agree, since you are of European descent, please leave America ASAP.

  69. Milla says:

    I started laughing at the video and laughed until I cried at the replies of those who couldn’t see this site for what it is. I’d love to self-deport, but do I have to go to Ukraine/Poland/Austria/Mongolia? Can I go to Italy?

  70. What should I do? I mean, I’m a whole melange comprised of the following Latin countries: Ecuador, Spain, Italy, France, Portugal and who knows what other countries if I follow my ancestry going from my great grandparents back. Oh my, it looks like I have my work cut out for me, but I must do what’s right. Thanks for serving as an example and for loving America!!!

  71. Rich Jones says:

    Hmm. This is indeed a poser, as my family history is kind of complicated.

    As for myself, I have a certified birth certificate from the State of California that I had to get so they’d issue me a driver’s license when I moved from there to Nevada a couple of years ago. (It took three months to get.) But if I understand this site’s verbiage, this alone won’t cut it.

    My father’s family, the Joneses, is made up of British Canadian (Luscombe,) Ohio German (Lohmeyer and Schrieffer) on his mother’s side, and Potato Famine Irish refugee (Farley) and Tennessee Pioneer stock (Jones) on his father’s side. The information I have indicates the Tennesseans have been here since the 1770s, originally in a town near the Tennessee/Missouri border called Morristown. They moved to Morristown, Missouri, the family joke being so that they would not have to alter their calling cards. I have no idea if the Tennesseans were sent over to the New World from England “at the King’s pleasure” or no.

    Our branch of the Joneses went by wagon train to California during the Gold Rush, married a Farley in the Petaluma adobe, and became prominent ranchers for a time in Marin County.

    My mother’s family is made up of Basque (De Rivas, changed to Gracia upon arrival in California, so highly suspect) and another Potato Famine Irish refugee (Mahood, but sounds Moslem) both of whom came here by way of French Tahiti and Mexican Indian (Mendoza) from somewhere near Mexico City on her mother’s side and Pre-Revolutionary War English (Ellicott/Wolcott) on her father’s side. But Mendoza was an adapted name, as Great Grandma was an orphan, so there’s no documentation on her.

    The Ellicotts were divided by the Revolution, with the Pennsylvanian Quaker branch settling in what would become Ellicott City, Maryland, while another branch, Loyalists to the Crown, fled to Canada. Two other Ellicotts were prominent surveyors; one of whom, Andrew Ellicott, helped set the boundaries of the District of Columbia, helped finish the plans for the capital at Washington, and taught Meriwether Lewis everything he knew about surveying. One of the Wolcotts, Oliver Wolcott of Connecticut, was a signatory of the Declaration of Independence. But through the Wolcotts I’m also related to black listed writer Dashiell Hammett. Uh oh.

    Still, if self-deport I must, where should I repatriate? Canada? England? (Luscombe Family lore mentions Victoria, British Columbia and Stokes Poges, Buckinghamshire, the latter made famous in Huxley’s “Brave New World.” I’m not sure where the Joneses, Wolcotts and Ellicotts originally hailed from England-wise.) Germany? (Lohmeyer Family lore mentions Berlin.) Maybe the Basque Region between France and Spain? Ireland? Tahiti?

    And all these places have socialized medicine, don’t they? The horror. The horror.

  72. Asya says:

    Hey, this is awesome. Me and my family immigrated to the U.S. legally a few decades ago so we get to stay! All you free-loaders who think just because you’ve been here for generations you don’t have to account for your great-great-great-parents sneaking into the great U.S.A. illegally you get the hell out of my country!


    And once it’s less crowded, we, the real Americans can adjust immigration law accordingly to welcome in the kind of peeps who’ve made this country great before, and hopefully will again.


  73. From Spain says:

    You, Americans are totally crazy! hahaahahhahhahahaha.
    Self-deportation! hahahahahaha
    I cannot believe what my eyes re reading.
    Dont you realize you re speaking like kids? where is your human intelligence?

    Now, censor my comment, you re experts of censorship.
    America the country of freedom, what a joke! haha

  74. My ancestors actually came over on one of the Mayflower ships in the late 1600s and I am still in Boston. I was proud of that. There are even records of my ancestors lives that were written up for 400 years. One such story is about how that first ancestor jumped off the ship to swim in to meet his beloved. Now I now why, I bet. No green card.
    Suddenly, I am shamed. I’ve got a lot of work to do tracing this all back to prove I’m legal,but, by gum, I’ll do it. I thought Romney as governor was a self-serving, corporate raiding, on the religious fringe and a self-righteous maniac. Now I see the truth, and he has changed my life. But I’ve got my work cut out for me. As do my kids who are now all guilty having taken advantage of the democratic/socialist schools and libraries.

    • Hal Blake says:

      You Mayflowerists are the first illegal immigrants, in the modern sense of that idea. Back to jolly old Angle-Saxon-Briton land for you!

  75. jolly negro says:

    I’m black and my ancestors were forcibly bought here. Is there somewhere I can apply for a deportation waiver? If not, how can I find out where, in the vast continent of Africa, I should go back to? I wonder if Skip Gates would be willing to give self deportation discounts on his DNA (find your African king, queen, shaman ancestor) testing kits.

    • Hi Jolly, we have many members grappling with the ambiguous nature of their immigration past. Some feel torn between their various countries of ancestral origin, and others have ancestors who hailed from countries that no longer exist, like Yugoslavia. In the end, it is a personal decision, but usually we recommend going as close “back” to where the original illegal immigrant came from (the one who is responsible for birthing the anchor baby in your family, whence all the subsequent “citizens” emerged, including yourself). We have heard that Professor Gates’ DNA tests are quite accurate indeed. If you are concerned about the immigration problem in this country, and believe you did not earn your citizenship the Right way, you could take a symbolic stand and repatriate to the African country of your choosing. Please write us back with any updates. Like you, we will make the ultimate sacrifice because we believe the REAL America belongs to REAL Americans!

  76. jolly negro says:

    One more question Mr. Patriot. If I do self deport back to Africa, must I go back the way my ancestors came here( in chains)? Given all this country has given to me (food stamps, welfare, jim crow, lynching, medicare) I want to be as efficient as possible.

    • We do not think chains are necessary. That would be inhumane. But it’s great to see you fully appreciate the gifts of this great land!

      • jolly negro says:

        I want to do my part. I’m thinking of going to South Africa because I would be classified as colored (yay light skin!). Then again, I’m a homosexual so that might not work out…I’m going to check out Morocco because couscous is one of my favorite foods.

      • jaime fontes says:

        This is great

      • Hal Blake says:

        Do they still have those color classifications in South Africa? Didn’t they get rid of apartheid? (Apartheid has been gone from there long enough that it took me a while to remember how to spell it.)

      • jolly negro says:

        @Hal Blake, that’s like asking do they still have racism in America.

    • Hal Blake says:

      But why would a black-majority government have kept the Afrikaner’s complicated racial categories? That’s like the USA still having separate water fountains and bathrooms for blacks and whites.

      I realize that the official end of apartheid didn’t end racial tension or injustice, but I would think that a lot of official structures were removed.

      • jolly negro says:

        Listen, Hal, if I wanna be colored in South Africa rather than an illegal negro in America then that’s what I’ll be. Can a sister get a little privilege every once in a while. Damn!!!! This is the problem with Americans, they’re always telling someone what they can and can’t be.

        You’re messing with my jolly and turning me into an ABW.

  77. The Shadow says:

    Does the term “fascism” mean anything to you?

  78. Zena says:

    I agree with you completely! As a ninth-generation anchor baby, I have started researching my ancestry to determine which country I should go back to. The trouble is, I’m part Irish (not sure yet if it’s Northern Ireland or the independent Ireland yet), Scottish, German, Polish, Italian, Jewish, American Indian (very small part, so not enough to qualify as a “real” American), Hungarian, Canadian, and, I think, maybe some Spanish. So what country should I go back to? I’m sure several of my ancestors didn’t go through any formal immigration process since it hadn’t been invented yet. And since my mother, sister, and brother won’t go willingly, should I get a court order or will INS help? Will the other countries help repatriate me and teach me the language if I can’t speak it?

  79. Second Amendment Democrat says:

    Well, my father was from Canada, and I do not know if he was here legally or just walked across the border.. For now, I will wait to see which way the elections are blowing, but if the GOP cheats (as fully expected, please prepare for this) gets away with it, and starts fulfilling their Corporate Manifest Destiny, I WILL Self-Deport to Canada as fast as my mini-van cam carry me! What a great way to request political asylum…

  80. angela says:

    And what about those who were indigenous to this country who were forced out (or died) by the arrogance and demand and illness of the Europeans who came to this land? What about those who are here who are not of Native American descent? Should they – the descendants of the Europeans – also be asked to return to the lands from whence they came? Those ancestors of the Indigenous Americans are the ones who are truly owed land and cultural repatriation.

    What is it to belong to a place? What is nationality? What do we anchor in as we seek for the true meaning of our identity? And why is there so much anger and fear? Almost all of those of us in the US are mutts of a tremendous international heritage. Borders and nationalities are arbitrary and invented by humans, often changing many times even within a century. But we are all human beings, having the same basic needs. Instead of investing so much energy in creating barriers of hate and rejection, we could do much more good in the world to provide for *all* humans to have all that they need.

    I imagine that this will not be a response that will be gladly received by your website. So be it.

  81. Philippe Theriault says:

    This is an extreme reaction to illegal immigration by a person who obviously thinks that the “purity” of America is being destroyed by illegal immigrants.

    Aside from extreme, it’s frankly quite a bit weird and cultish. America is not a religion. Get over yourselves is my suggestion.

  82. george. says:

    you guys are great.
    i’m going to enter the U.S.A illegally just so i can self-deport at a later stage.
    that’s how much i love you guys. you sure are special and make me feel so patriotic, you tea-partier’s you…

  83. jaime fontes says:

    My grandparents were illegal immigrants from Mexico, problem?

  84. graeme murray says:

    i’m an old canadian, a war vet and a proud union member who used to love the american ideals of no-man-a-king, and equality for all but i became despondent during the horrors of vietnam, nixon, reagan, iran-contra, iraq, etc.

    This thread, like the SOTU last night, has helped me remember what america once was.

    I love this thread – satire, comprehension, incomprehension, civil debate, erudition, creativity, humor and no really ugly remarks.

    rock on, america.

    • Hal Blake says:

      I thought it was “every man a king.” Or is it just Elvis and Dr. Martin L.?

      Graeme, did you ever think that after Nixon and Reagan it could get this much worse?

  85. Black Bear says:

    Wow, this is great news.

    I am a citizen of the Osage nation. I greatly support ALL of your efforts in this, and I do mean all of you.

  86. trixie says:

    WE are ALL anchor babies.
    Accident of birth, I tell ya.
    How many have actually CHOSEN to be citizens?

  87. illegal says:

    “US citizenship is for those who can show PROOF their original ancestors were here legally.”

    Gotcha! Thanks for the head’s up :o) When is your goodbye party?

  88. Legal but willing to go says:

    I’m here legally, immigrated with my family when I was very young and became a naturalized citizen. I am willing to self-deport, however, in the place of someone whose forbearers came here illegally. If you find that you have a moral obligation to self-deport but your family and work situation do not make it practical, I’m willing to do it instead for an equitable fee.

  89. I’ve been here 400 years without a green card. Well, not me, but you know what I mean. I never liked apple pie and always felt guilty about it. Now I might have to get used to Roast Beef and Yorkshire Puddings and Fish and Chips, if I can even find housing.
    But don’t they pay for your housing in England?
    I would apply for citizenship again for the U.S., but I bet I wouldn’t pass the history test. I mean who can remember when they passed the Louisiana Purchase and all that stuff?
    And I actually have a Penobscot Algonquin Indian great-grandfather. True. That may be my out.
    If 1/16 blood counts I’m in.
    And I’ll bet anything that slave ancestors will get a waiver, because it wasn’t their fault that they came here. It gets so complicated. But I bet Romney has a fix for some of these sticky situations, like where the white man imposed on his darker brethren. I mean, he knows about brethren, being a Morman and all.
    And I can prove I don’t speak Spanish, by the way.

    • Yes, we hope Romney will clarify many of the complicated issues regarding his vision for self-deportation and his views on who belongs or doesn’t belong in this country. It is an essential discussion in America. Some say “self-deportation” is an oxymormon, but we don’t agree. Let’s hope we hear more from Romney in the coming days!

      Email us at selfdeport@gmail.com or leave another comment if you have any new thoughts.

      • Hal Blake says:

        Do you think we can end up laughing the Republicans out of the politcal process so that Obama no longer has the excuse of having to pander to their blighted worldview any more?

  90. waterbuffalo says:

    Whether you know it or not, Alex and company, your whole philosophy turns the “anchor baby” logic it on its head: “oh yeah? you wanna eject all anchor babies and their kids? alright. let’s look at YOUR family.” THANK YOU FOR BRINGING THIS TO LIGHT.

    And racists, please, leave as soon as you can. Thank you.

  91. Douglas Khan-Himler says:

    Dear Patriots for Self-Deportation, where do you guys draw the line? We all know of the famous incident of the man arrested for using a “white” facility when he was only one eighth black, but aren’t we all 100% black, since anthropology has shown that humans originated in Africa? In the same way, about nine generations of Northerners and eleven generations of Southerners (since they tend to have children at a younger age) have passed since the founding of this nation. As such, there has been more and more interbreeding, and thus a higher and higher percentage of the population has been descended from illegal immigrants. I did the math, and by your guys’ logic, 55% OF AMERICANS WOULD HAVE TO BE DEPORTED. Both of my parents work for the State Department, and both are descendents of illegal immigrants from Soviet Kazakhstan and Austria-Hungary respectively. My father has brokered peaceful diplomacy with America’s enemies, prevented nuclear threats and terrorist plots, and you guys would have him deported?

    • Douglas Khan-Himler says:

      P.S. How can you guys consder yourselves patriots when this site runs on THE BRITISH TIME ZONE?!

    • Hal Blake says:

      Only 55%? That would leave the USA only slightly overpopulated. I was expecting a much higher number would need to leave.

      The self-deportation is voluntary, so don’t worry about your parents. It’s kind of like the scene in Blazing Saddles where Mel Brooks plays the Indian chief and encounters the future sheriff and his family.

  92. katherine (Russian Name, Right) says:

    Off to Russia then. I hear its cold, and I don’t speak a lick of Russian, but that’s probably where I belong. PEaCE.

  93. H.olger says:

    To the Patriots for Self-Deportation people.
    Holger again. From Germany.

    I thought it through. After reading all these various posts here, I think I feel some sympathy for your cause. So I made up my mind: I will start a ‘Self-Deportation-Welcome-Program’ for illegal US anchor babies – in Berlin, Germany.

    Above Rich Jones touched me with his/her story of well-done family research. The Ohio German Lohmeyer and Schrieffer anchestors seem to be German and he/she said they might even be from Berlin. So Rich Jones: welcome back! Let me know when you are flying in and I will pick you up from the airport (Tegel or Schönefeld airport, the old Tempelhof airport for US-airlifts during the 1948 Berlin blockade is closed by now).

    Zena has some German background, too. Welcome to Berlin, Zena!

    Also, there was this Austro-Hungarian guy above. If he cannot find a place in Austria (they are quite tough on anyone not ‘Real Austrian’ these days, too…), he could probably still come to Germany as the 1938 Anschluss proved that there is no big difference in mindset…

    If you, Patriots for Self-Deportation, come across other people that might fit a ‘Self-Deportation-Welcome-Program’ for illegal US anchor babies in Germany, let me know. If everything works out, we can offer some form of socialised health care (as this is standard here), free basic education (as this is standard here), free public speech (as this is standard here) and a profound sensitization in history (still standard). I hope the people you send, the tea baggers, find that ok as I heard they don’t like that too much…well, I guess they have to adjust to new circumstances and integrate.

    And, by the way: I can give free German language classes, too. As I am already doing this in an Asylum seekers center, the self-deported can just join in and learn with them. Pretty nice, descent people from all around, mostly war zones (Iraq, Afghanistan, Iran, Palestine, Somalia…), so I guess the self-deported will just blend in…I mean: most of these Asylum seekers have heard a lot of the US already, so that will be fine…

    Last point: Germany is pretty tough on immigration. Only 1.6% of Asylum seekers get it in the end, and until then they’re living in run-down old army barracks, sometimes for years. So don’t led the illegal US anchor babies come here on their own.

    Join the ‘Self-Deportation-Welcome-Program’ in Berlin, Germany!

    • Dear H.olger, thank you so much for your kind offer. A Welcome Program would be wonderful for our Patriots! You’re right that those going to Germany would have to get used to the pretty upsetting reality of socialized health care. We are American, and we believe in individuality; we’re born alone, we die alone, we watch other people die alone, sometimes from “preventable” causes, but hey, we pull ourselves up by our own boot straps, that’s the nature of the Free Market, the nature of Freedom, freedom from socialist commu-fascist élite liberal Obamacare lovers that would give everyone a free pass to see doctors when they are sick!, no! we say NO!, we value our Faith, our Family, our Freedom, our Flu!, so yes it will be a difficult transition to accept handouts from the German commune hospitals, but if that’s the price we have to pay to be true Patriots and uphold American immigration principles, then so be it.

      Will the pick up service from the airport be free? If not, do you take credit cards? I’m maxed out on mine, but I’m planning on getting a 7th one in the coming weeks.

    • Hal Blake says:

      Can we send you Michele Bachmann? Pretty please?

    • Tigress says:

      Dang, now I wish I had german descent :(. I think I have a bunch of other european countries but I don’t think I have any german.

  94. Quay says:

    I love this site. funnest site I have seen since I wanna cheesburger,com. even more hilarious is that that some peoiple here think it is for real.
    you bunch of rubes.

    • Thank you, Quay. We love cheeseburgers and freedom fries. Nothing like American cows and American potatoes. And American deep-fryers. And jellybeans. Mmmmmmm, jellybeans. As Ronald Reagan said, “You can tell a lot about a fellow’s character by his way of eating jellybeans.” And cheeseburgers. What an inspirational man. Keep the patriotism alive, Quay!

  95. nojusticeonstolennativeland says:

    is this for real?
    are there really so many ignorant people – not just the poster but some of the responders…
    based on your treatise above I would suggest that any and all of you European-descended Americans and so called patriots should voluntarily deport yourselves and pronto as ALL of your ancestors (and mine) arrived ILLEGALLY, UNINVITED, AND PROCEEDED TO STEAL, SLAUGHTER, AND SUBVERT the original peoples of this continent (ie. People you refer to today as Native Americans who actually represent numerous diverse nations, cultures and histories…).
    So, I support this declaration in the sense of clearing all the white people off stolen Indigenous territorities.
    We’ll see how well your cousins in Europe receive you into their over-crowded and economically strained cities…

  96. Patriots against Xenophobia!

    Peace Child International began during the Cold War as a musical, based on Bernard Benson’s The Peace Book, aimed at resolving conflict between the USA and USSR, and at bringing youth from both countries into contact. The first performance was in October 1981 at the Royal Albert Hall, with Susannah York as the narrator. The musical was then taken to the United States, where it was premiered at the Kennedy Center in Washington D.C. in December 1982. The core of the musical was composed by David Gordon and written by David Woollcombe, but it was re-written and customized by the cast wherever it was performed[1]. Since its debut the musical has been used in conflict resolution efforts in Azerbaijan and Armenia, Central America, Cyprus, the former Yugoslavia[2], India, Israel[3] and Northern Ireland.


    Love & Peace

  97. Patriots against Xenophobia !

    According to the Bible, Cain was cast out of the Garden of Eden for killing his brother Able . God sent him to the Northern regions, where the ground was frozen. I calculate that to be Northern Europe. That means that, white man is more innately violent than blacks. Have you ever heard of an angry gang of blacks lynching a white guy?

    He who makes bigger more effective bombs,
    that kill more people faster,
    are not necessarily more evolved.
    The meek will inherit the world.
    The mean people will be locked away in jail. -Carol

    Xenophobia is a genetic, mental health disease.

  98. Ann Gelsheimer says:

    The Cradle of Humankind is a World Heritage Site first named by UNESCO in 1999, about 50 kilometres northwest of Johannesburg, South Africa in the Gauteng province. This is likely our original home as human-beings. The site currently occupies 47,000 hectares (180 sq mi) and contains a complex of limestone caves. When we all face the truth about our ancestory and self-deport back to those 47,000 hectares in South Africa, the limestone caves are going to be worth a lot of money as shelter. Realtors and property managers should self-deport first, and then the service industries such as hairdressers and cell-phone salespeople. By the time the rest of us get there, we will be able to rent a niche in the limestone caves, get a nice haircut, and call the people who did not self-deport to tell them how morally superior we are.

    • Under the “Gelsheimer Cradle of Humankind Plan” there could be a variation. If the “prevailing view among Mormons is that God once lived on a planet with his own higher god” then maybe,
      we can fire Mitt into outer space along with a few chosen Scientologists.

  99. Lorenza Cannelloni says:

    I’m self-deporting back to Sicily. My daddy was an anchor baby back in the ’30s so I guess I’ve taken enough advantage of this fine country and its resources. I’m deporting my greasy, garlicky, olive-skinned, accordion-playing body back to the Old Country. Too bad I don’t speak Sicilian or have an EU passport. I’m sure they’ll understand and welcome me home.

    • Hal Blake says:

      Stop! You’re making me hungry for Sicilian pizza, and I don’t want to drive 1500 miles to New Jersey to get some!

  100. none says:

    American Fascism

    • Hal Blake says:

      This is more like “Modest Proposal.”

      “American fascism” is when Clear Channel’s “educational” radio/tv is used in schools to “educate” students. That’s a much better example, since this self-deportation is a voluntary thing, and forcing propaganda down students’ throats is not.

  101. Will you start a “sister” site; reportyourneighborfordeportation.org for all of those people we “know for a fact” are not here legally but, who fail to take advantage of selfdeport.org’s services?
    I see a cottage industry opportunity!

  102. Lalo says:

    RT @thelede: The Deep Comic Roots of ‘Self-Deportation’ http://t.co/Ilw1cGZx on @laloalcaraz @DanielDPortado @MexicanMitt

  103. In spite of the jokes, sarcasm, and bull-poop on this site, unbelievably there are still some people here who are too thick to understand what Romney meant when he suggested the use of self-deportation. It’s really very simple. Take away the job magnet that draws them here and they’ll have no reason to stay.

    • antoineloup says:

      I agree, people need to leave here and find out more about the real policy of “self-deportation”

    • steve duncan says:

      Of course, we’ll do like Georgia and crack down on employers hiring illegals. The news is replete with stories about struggling Georgia farmers trying to find legals that were willing, capable and fast enough to harvest crops before they rotted in the fields. And failed spectacularly in their search. Donald, how are your neighbor’s lettuce picking skills? Can they clean 3 dozen hotel rooms in day, or will Hilton have to double the maid staff once red blooded Americans are needed for their upkeep? You OK with paying more for a few hundred different products and services once the only way they can be had is through the less-than-industrious efforts of your lazy, all-thumbs legal brethren?

  104. Robert Miller says:

    I’ve read most of the comments left on this site and find them to be very funny, even tho the argument of leaving this country back in the hands of my people, the Haudenosaunee or Iroquois (among others), to be kind of strange. Much of this country has already been physically changed for the worst by the persons who came here with out permission to take what they wanted and leave the scraps for the rest. Some of us feel that if you want to leave, please leave our things behind and take the things that you brought with you home. You might even say at this point, that we are not your parents and should not be required to clean up after you like you were our kids. As far as Romney is concerned, please don’t get me started since he does not have a clue of what its like to be a third world resident in one of the richest countries in the world and wouldn’t care if he did. Its like he said, he doesn’t care about the poor since they have a safety net that the republican party would like to dismantle in order to follow Paul Ryan’s plan to pay for corporate tax breaks.

  105. Dauger says:

    Alas, my family came here illegally… At least I think so. I am not sure the natives were issuing visas in the mid-1600s…

    So, I must self deport I guess. I wonder if England will take me back. God Save the Queen!

  106. X Texan says:

    I was born in Occupied Mexico, and I already self-deported outta there.

  107. I’m in anguish. I love America. I can only trace my ancestry back to the Mayflower, to Horatio Smith…a deckmate. He met his wife on that ship and they settled in the new country. So it’s with a heavy heart that I must self-deport myself because the only true Americans are the American Indians. You see, the first settlers disobeyed their immigration laws, took their jobs, and then took their land. I must go back to England. Goodbye America.

  108. brien says:

    haha, “miło mi” means “it’s a pleasure (meeting you)”

    See you here, soon.

    -A Norwegian American living in Warsaw.

  109. mahousu says:

    This is a great idea, and I want to apply it to myself, but I’ve got a problem. I have one ancestor who wandered over the border from Canada, another who stowed away on a ship in Scotland and eventually ended up here, and a third who came as a baby from Norway with no paperwork at all.

    So which country do I self-deport to? Should I just kind of cruise back and forth between all three of them? I’d be fine with that, except it occurs to me that all three countries are pretty cold in the winter. So I was wondering if I could work some kind of trade – all three countries in exchange for, I don’t know, Tahiti or something. Sound fair?

  110. ISO cabin with a window... says:

    My grandparents have done a lot of genealogy and many of my ancestors actually arrived on the Mayflower. So what I was wondering was, is it important that I take a cruise to self-deport? I am having difficulty booking because so many cruises appear to return to their port of origin, except of course for those ones that founder near Sicily. Please help me decide if the Queen Mary 2 is the most appropriate return path to England. I am already saving up my shillings.

  111. Daniel says:

    I was shocked to discover that despite being born in Orem, Utah, my ancestors are originally from Liverpool, England. I’ve got a couple of questions: although I self-deported a few years ago, I am living in England, but not in my ancestral city; do I have to move back to Liverpool? Does it have to be the same district in Liverpool? The same street? What if someone’s already living in the house I have to go back to? Should I kick them out? Or just move in with them?
    Should my family self-deport too? I’m not sure there’ll be room for all of us – I have eight brothers and sisters, and seven nephews and nieces so far, plus our parents and grandparents. If we all self-deport to England, will there be room? I have a friend here whose family came to England with King William Conqueror. Does he have to self-deport to France? Will that make room for my cousins? Please help!

    • Daniel says:

      Sorry to disturb you again, but I just got off the phone, and it’s even worse than I thought. My sister-in-law Marissa’s ancestors mostly came from Italy. What happens about my nephew Joe? Does he go to Italy, or to Liverpool? If it’s shared custody, who pays the air fares? Or are they meant to just cut Joe in half? I mean little Joe, not his uncle Joe (my brother), because obviously my brother Joe has to go to Liverpool like me and all my other brothers and sisters. I’ve told Brig (my youngest brother) to check the ancestry of any girl he meets before getting too fond of her. (Of course, this won’t matter with Joe, because he likes a little sugar in his coffee, if you get my meaning. But I guess if he moves to Massachusetts he has to do the same thing with any close “friends” he makes, too.) Please advise as soon as possible. Thank you.

  112. steve duncan says:

    I self deported from Ohio to Indiana 20 years ago. Whoa you say, Indiana isn’t a foreign country you’d self deport to!? Well, you’ve not lived in Indiana then. Crossing the border into Indiana is probably akin to entering Bangladesh, except the citizens of Bangladesh are likely more literate, healthier and have fewer STDs.

  113. Does this mean that these fools are going to renounce their U.S citizenship when they self-deports themselves? I hope so. If not, we all know that this is just for show, since they can retrurn to the U.S. anytime being a U.S. citizen. This self-deportation is just a ridicuious and self-serving ruse.

  114. Kevin Long says:

    So if my mom’s ancestors came legally from Scotland, and my dad’s ancestors came here illegally from Germany, which half of myself should I self-deport? All the Y-chromosomes, obviously, but what else? Please advise.

  115. Rob says:

    Does anyone know anything about the effort to introduce Homosexual anchor babies? I read that in places like Massachusetts and New York there are efforts by Homosexual Couples to import and adopt homosexual babies. If this is true, what can we do about it?

  116. Robert Miller says:

    I wouldn’t worry too much. Among my tribe, persons who are gay are treated with respect because they have the ability to see the power in both men and women and to focus on it. This leads them to become medicine people and healers as well as be advisors to our own leaders.

  117. Rogelio says:

    Its funny how people talk about who was here first, who should get out, illegal, not illegal. Complaining about babies being born here! Aaaahhhh they are babies, I didn’t know human ignorant level could go soooooooooo low. These new laws and the way of thinking were just created by the good for nothing government to control the people, We The People. Then other good for nothing ignorant idiots thought this was right and it made sense, and supported this. Who makes people owners of this land? Why do we have a government that controls us? Controlling Our brothers and sisters, sons and daughters going to stupid wars? Is this really a free Country? Also Did you invest money in this land and decide who can live here or not? You are not the owner of this land, you are not the owner of soil, mountains, rivers, etc.. People are Free to choose wherever they want to live, people just need to learn to live together. Our children go to the same schools (not a parent here yet) we buy at the same malls, we see faces from different races everyday. So there will be a lot of self deportations, not only Hipanics, but people from Europe too. Now let’s think about the Economy, will this Land do good economically without all the people self deporting? What is it to be a REAL American, can you explain that? What is REAL American? Skin color? If it is, then Ignorant! Language? If it Is, then ignorant! Culture? What is the culture? What is the music that identifies an American? Dances? Food? Please dot say hot dogs, Pizza hahaha if it is, then ignorant! What you need to do is get out of that negative ignorant circle you are in, and live life! Travel, meet new people, try new food! There is so much to learn of different cultures, many Countries to travel to, good food from other countries. So much knowledge out there, and you are here complaining about this hahaha. Get a life and live life! If not you just end up old and mad at life, and the world.

  118. donjoe says:

    OMG, this website is unbelievable. You massive, massive retards. The only REAL Americans are NATIVE Americans. If you really believe what you’re saying, ALL YOU WHITE PEOPLE should leave the continent and return to Britain, the homeland of your criminal ancestors who took by force an America that never belonged to them.

    You stupid hypocrites. Unbelievable.

    • John says:

      Again, show me that there were immigration laws passed by a legitimate central government when the first caucasions came to North America. I may be able to take you seriously if you can come up with something that proves illegality on the part of the first white settlers.

  119. // says:

    Those of you smart enough to “get it”, qualify for H-1B, then may apply for citizenship.
    Teabaggers, don’t forget to dig up the remains of your ancestral illegals, and take them back home with you. But if “home” won’t accept you, the Teabonkers Paradise of Somalia will.

  120. Dan says:

    Man, thanks a lot for this piece of sophisticated and highbrow humor. You’ll be doing great in Comedy Central. My advise for you: go to LA, look for an agent and start a well-deserved career in comedy or acting, or something.

  121. Wit Memo says:

    Great site! Start first with the “400 families” – those who trace their ancestry to the Mayflower pilgrims. What gave them the right to sail over here and muscle in on land that didn’t belong to them? And if they won’t go voluntarily, I say we march ’em down to Plymouth Rock and say, “start swimming!” No wonder some of them commenting here are so nervous!

    • John says:

      I am not aware of immigration laws being on the books at that time. In fact, I doubt if there was a native american word for immigration. Therefore, they did nothing illegal.

  122. This information is vital to the safety and security of this nation. Thank you.

  123. Maranda says:

    Pretty sure according to your statements everyone except the Native Americans should be self deporting…

  124. The entire 310 million Americans will be forcefully deported (Thank you) into two narrow but roughly rectangular territories – walled, fenced, blockaded and road-blocked!
    Let’s do a thought experiment! Why? Come to think of it: The majority of U.S. congressional ass-lickers of Israel pressure Obama towards military action confronting Iran. Netanyahu’s pro-Israel lobbying group AIPAC staged a coup once again to line-up the American government into fighting a proxy war of aggression, this time against Israel’s bitter enemy Iran.
    For the brown-noser American public it is too late to implement less corrupt U.S. governance, but who will be expert at regime change and in redrawing the American map?
    American conspiracy theorists will feel baffled when their country is taken over by an international army under command of the U.N. and the entire 310 million Americans are forcefully deported into two narrow but roughly rectangular territories – walled, fenced, blockaded and road-blocked! What will America look like broken up into a duo of stripe-states? Pretty much like the divided two parts of Palestine look, the West Bank and the Gaza Strip! This break-up will make the two American stripes ready for the 22nd century, when small will be the new big. The new great divide in the American way of life!
    America is coming apart. Smaller-is-better and stripes are fashionable in these meager recession-times. The Northern American stripe will be wedged between Canada and the former U.S. of A., and the Southern American stripe borders Mexico. The Northern and Southern stripes resemble on closer inspection two XX-Long worm-like voting districts in racially segregated America, where everyone votes on ethnic lines. The voting results are usually falsified and the election winner is decided by a corrupt U.S. Supreme Court.
    In a reference to Obama’s African heritage, the two stripes look strikingly similar to the two narrow banks along the Gambia River in West Africa which make up the state of Gambia, with breeding grounds for swarms of flies, which keep fly-Terminator Obama busy one blow at a time.
    The world’s population is ready to violate America’s most basic right in the name of fighting U.S. terrorism! All American guns will be confiscated, including those of state militias, turning the American stripes into two pitiful archipelagoes of defenselessness. No state (listen-up Texas!) can reserve the right to secede from the two stripes, because states no longer exist! As if by a dictate from God the separation into stripes will help ease tensions between the North and the South of bygone America! Just as ’liberal’ Americans claim that Palestinians don’t need their own state; some people might suggest that a Northern and a Southern stripe will do for Yankees!
    Watch towers, barbed wire and gunner positions will make it more palatable for Americans to perfect the art of sitting it out in the stripes during the next two centuries. They will be sentenced to 200 years inside the American stripes for pulling off their enormous offenses worldwide. The sentence is warranted by the extraordinary dimensions of their crimes.
    It‘s time for retribution, not reflection, and the very act of deportation, however violent, will be seen by the non-American world-population as purely defensive. No more bombing of other countries Americans cannot pronounce and cannot find on a map! The stripes will be the geo-political punishment for dozens of wars of aggression, global espionage at universities and for causing the world financial system to collapse under the American Ponzi-debt. This debt was built up by decades of American addiction to debt, of no-money-down home-loans and shopping on credit-cards only. Americans borrow from Peter to pay Paul; they borrow from China to pay the interest on their loans from Japan and Korea and Russia!
    Along the roughly 4.000 mile border with Canada, 155 million Americans or half of the U.S. population will need only a 3.5-mile wide stripe to live with a population density of 4.270 Americans per square kilometer, comparable to the Palestinian population density in the Gaza Strip! Along the 2.200 miles of the
    Mexican border a less than 7-mile wide stripe will be sufficient for the other half of the Americans at an equal population density.
    Bridges to Nowhere.
    Revenge is never a straight line and therefore the stripe’s barriers will be made of huge metal plates and concrete walls with barbed wire on top. Thousands of U.N. border guards from Afghanistan, Algeria, China, Cuba, Gaza, Haiti, Iran, Iraq, Lebanon, Libya, North Korea, Pakistan, Russia, Somalia, Syria, Venezuela and Yemen will be deployed along the entire stretch of the borders.
    The world loves America so much that everyone will be happy to see two stripped down Americas. The humanitarian situation in the two American stripes inside tent cities with no running water, no sewers or electricity and not enough to eat for the coming ten generations will be exactly as it should be. Human Rights Watch will certainly negotiate on American behalf that neither Canada nor Mexico will fire too many white phosphorus hate-fireworks into the densely populated American stripes and turn them into ashtrays.
    Overt displays of misplaced patriotism with the old gory American flag will not be tolerated and might be avenged by torturous waterboarding, because the country is no longer theirs. Only flags wrapped around XX-Tall dunce hats of a new design with two stars for the two American stripes will be permitted! As a symbol the two-star flag represents lost sovereignty of the Americans run off their former country – not unlike American Indians who were concentrated at gunpoint into reservations in the awful history of America!
    Have you heard? Everyone’s favorite duo of America-stripes has gotten new names! Giving way to America’s love for acronyms, ugly U.S.A. has been stripped down and re-initialized into N.A.S.T.Y.-A.S.S.: “Northern American Stripe Territory” and “American Southern Stripe”. The new America – the can’t-do nation!
    In my what-if story of a world seeking justice, a shove to history has been made, bringing an end to pro-American propaganda from every movie screen: A preventive regime change for the U.S., a new drawn map, a new designed flag and a new name for America! Let’s be a bit recession-tightfisted and make the Americans re-use the evil lyrics of their old national anthem. Why? Because the ’star-spangled banner’ is all about bombs and war and bloodshed – values commonly associated with Americans!
    No more revisionist interpretations of American history necessary! That‘s the end of American history as the world has known it – built on a foundation of native American gravestones! No more violent demonstrations with burning U.S. flags and signs reading “Death to America!” Two-star dunce hats and T-shirts with N.A.S.T.Y.-A.S.S. America imprints will be the new fashion manifestation at demonstrations around the globe, bringing disgrace and shame to the ass-lickers in America!
    And what will happen to the worldwide victims of American aggression and Ponzi-debt? The U.N. will declare to seize power in America, exert its claim to rule America and will entitle the victims to claim ownership of America. The victims are promised by the U.N. to live happily forever on their free land for the taking – in the apartments, houses and backyards of the expelled Americans!
    The new owners of America will also build new settlements on hilltops with million dollar views – inside the American stripes of course! The new
    stripe-settlers are entitled by the U.N. to 80% of the drinking water in the A.S.S., the arid American Southern Stripe – the remaining 20% water shall trickle down to the Stripe-Americans! Americans take notice: criticizing the expanding settlements into the American stripes will not be helpful at all if the expelled Stripe-Americans fantasize about a peace process with the new owners of America!
    Every journey begins with the first step! It’s going to be a long march through poverty and misery into the sorrow of the American-Stripes, comparable to Mao Tse Tung’s long march into the caves of Northern China in the 1940s! But let’s come back to Iran and Palestine and America’s unsurpassed prejudice and its foul spittle spraying the air with white phosphorous hate!
    Who is the author of the thought experiment? I am trained in the analysis of arcane satellite images! I am an Enemy of the State! I have been a long-term illegal alien on American soil! I am an investigative citizen-journalist with an accidental C.I.A. background! I am pulling a chair up to a global debate!

  125. Lori says:

    You’re so right. My g-g-g-g-g-grandfather was a criminal send here from England, religiously unruly guy. So I guess I need to go back to Great Britain. But on the other side, my great-great grandmother was half native American… does that mean I can stay? Perhaps just visit half of the year?

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